No matter what you do, they persist in being angry. This will make them feel their anger is justified and simply fuels further anger. If you have wronged the other person, take responsibility for your action and apologize. Know when to leave: Unfortunately, you cannot always work things out with someone who is always angry. Your life will be drastically changed by living with a habitually angry person. Don’t be afraid to call for another time-out if the other person is still hostile or angry. Knowing how to respond to someone who is angry is a wonderful asset. I have to deal with each angry/wont calm down person differently. I think he just, "Before, I didn't know what to do if he/she wasn't accepting my apology, but thanks to the article, we are good now. Advertising. After we had an argument, my friend won't talk to me. But it’s something you can learn to deal with ... way I feel about someone who makes me angry. Even if their anger is gone, you should still try, if possible, to help them solve the issue they were angry about. Simply repeat any of the two shield-creation exercises above if you feel your shield strength is waning. You can typically tell if someone is angry within the first few seconds of the interaction. If this is the case, try to imagine that the person is not mad at you, but someone/something else. It is about helping them find the right way forwards for them. It may also help the other person feel acknowledged, which can help soothe angry feelings. Instead, take a deep breath and let them know that you're not going to fight with them. When someone is angry, you rush to try and resolve the situation. Their feelings are what is important. If someone is angry, consider the possibility that it’s a response to something about his or her own life, not anything you’ve done. When you're interviewing for a customer service role, the interviewer will no doubt ask about your ability to handle a difficult or angry customer. Remember that if you let them antagonize you into being angry too, it will only escalate the situation. You may have to mentally tell yourself that the person is upset and is doing her best to communicate her feelings. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Why are you receiving the silent treatment? You will experience times when you have to respond to someone who is angry. Hi, you've received two really solid answers already, so there isn't a lot of new information I can add. Even though it requires subtlety of body language, tone of voice and words, you are effectively screaming to the other person that you respect them. Frame your apology first around a statement of remorse. Unhappy people and especially chronically depressed people see no reason to be optimistic. I was in a situation like this about a year ago at my last job. The glass is always half empty. If you're interacting with someone you know has anger problems, try your best to stay calm whenever they get angry, even though it's not always easy. To start, admit you were wrong. Ultimately, the best way to respond to someone who is angry is to make them feel that they have been listened to. ", "Thank you so much for doing this, it means a lot to me. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. For example, you could say "I am sorry. When you are angry at someone it is best to take some time before confronting them or talking to them. ", "Just plain telling them that they need 15 minutes helped me so much. However, staying angry is bad for you physically and emotionally. It's their anger that they need to deal with on their own. It's also important to look out for yourself, as the stress of being in a difficult relationship can lead you to unconsciously adopt some dangerous coping mechanisms such as the following: Alcohol Abuse. If they didn't do something right or how you expected it, say something like, "That wasn't quite as I expected it to be, keep practicing/working on it to improve more," or, "I'm a little disappointed, but don't worry, I'm sure you can do better." If your spouse doesn’t see their aggression as an issue and refuses to seek help, then it is not on you to suffer. If you encounter any resistance, this is a sign that they have not fully expressed their anger. 6 Strategies to respond to someone who is angry, ​Calmness, as they realise you are trying to help them, ​Appreciation, for including them in the solution, Silence and respect, as they realise that it is more difficult to solve the problem than complain about it. This will often make the other person even angrier, because s/he will feel as though you are dismissing his or her needs. Or you react the opposite way and get angry back, which escalates things. One is very angry with me. Remind them of a moment when they were happy–as in … 50 pages. When someone else is angry, especially at you, it can be easy to get angry as well. I now have to step back and let it go. Were you unsure as to how you were supposed to react to something like that? Oftentimes we wait until someone gets angry or depressed before we try to buoy their spirits. After all, you feel like you are in the right. Understanding Anger – 12 Common Types of Anger, Managing anger – 8 tips to make it a positive experience, Manage an aggressive person with these 6 tips, Are you being aggressive? Dealing with an angry person can be stressful, so it's important for you to take steps to stay safe and avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily. As you exhale, focus on relaxing the muscles in your face, neck, and shoulders. If you get angry, it is likely to make the other person. Tell him how sorry you are, or do one of those big I'm sorry gestures if you feel he would respond more to that. What was … Give them a compliment for something they did well. You need to take the emotion out before you respond to someone who is angry. You should not apologize if you don't mean it, as this might escalate the problem further. Try to avoid slouching or crossing your arms. Alternatively, when you respond to someone who is angry in the right manner, you quickly restore normality, reduce tension and stress and, in some cases, you can even establish the foundations of an effective relationship. [2] This is especially likely if your job involves direct contact with the public, such as providing services or handling money. You tell them their words are hurtful, they tell you that you told them things ten times worse, plus you are the one who made them angry to begin with. Learn to be calm, confident and composed under pressure with 'Breathe.'. Your main goal is to solve this common problem. If you are dealing with an angry customer at your job, try to keep physical distance between you and the customer. When you involve them in creating the solution, they are more likely to buy in and accept the agreed way forward. When you disagree with the person who is angry, empathy helps them to see that you are not personalising the issue. If you know someone who seems to deal with difficult thoughts or feelings often (as demonstrated in their behavior), don’t wait for a situation to help them create positive feelings. The experience is threatening and can feel scary. The experience may be common, but it’s still unpleasant and confusing. I think it would be fair for me to replace the broken window and pay to have the living room carpet cleaned. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. Once they feel understood, they may calm down. This is disastrous if you're in a customer-facing role. My teachers keep getting frustrated at me, what do I do? This was helpful reading. You are never responsible for the other person’s response; nobody “makes” someone else angry. From now on I will set an alarm on my phone an hour before I need to be ready". I can have a repairman come out and replace it in two days. Remember that. So, a great first strategy to use is simply to listen to the person express their anger until they “wind down.” Regardless of your intentions, you need to recognize that your behavior had a negative effect on the other person. However, owning up to your own wrong action may help the other person process his or her feelings of anger and hurt. No matter how hard you try, their aggression may not seem to subside; it could even turn into physical abuse. Compose yourself first by either some relaxation techniques or … ​Life is full of ups and downs. Instead you will quiet your mind in order to discover why that person is angry at you. Dealing with an angry person is problematic at best. … Otherwise, they feel that you don’t care enough to listen, which is only going to make them more emotional. It depends on what they did to disappoint you. If they say, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry", agree, since anger is a negative emotion. What is it you’re feeling angry about?”. So, if you have had to deal with an angry person like a co-worker or customer, only share the details of the situation with those that need to know. U.S. government agency responsible for setting and enforcing workplace safety standards For example, if the other person is angry because your child threw a ball through the window, state what you are willing to do. A bully or a tyrant feels separate, unloved or simply bad about himself. There is no greater way to do this than to fully involve them in the resolution of the issue. And, even if there is nothing you can do to help, try to move the conversation onto a positive topic before you leave them. There are 42 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Someone who is angry is someone who doesn’t know how to handle their suffering. Oftentimes we wait until someone gets angry or depressed before we try to buoy their spirits. if you are in customer service, you might move from discussing the problem to identifying a workable solution. Approach him in private. Remember: you can’t control the other person’s responses. “I see you’re angry. Leave the room immediately if you feel unsafe, or … For example, if you speak to someone in an angry tone or are not respectful of someone's time, s/he may become angry with you. Telling him why you thought the way you did and that you know you need to work on that can help him understand that you didn't want to hurt him and you are already taking steps to help yourself and repair the relationship. She may also try to avoid spending time with you. In addition, if you allow the other person to fully express their anger, they soon run out of steam and start to calm down. I have created a FREE Checklist to teach you the Do's and Don'ts of Anger Management. And it’s not the first time. I have mentioned a few times how listening is often enough when responding to someone who is angry. You are telling them that you want to treat them in a dignified manner. Copyright 2018 by liveyourtruestory.com. If you're in a relationship with someone who has bipolar anger, you need to understand the disorder so you can deal with it proactively. Want to learn the secret of how to deal with an angry husband or how to deal with an angry wife? Speak to them in a calm but assertive voice to try and deescalate the situation. When you feel they deserve your wrath, it's not easy to understand why you need to let that anger go. Clarify every single point. Asking one of these simple questions is a wonderful way to help the person recognise he has someone right there who cares about how he feels. I said something to my friend, and she misheard me, thinking I said something else. You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself or deal with a misfired accusation. Remember that even if you don’t understand the other person’s experience, it’s very real to that person. I was feeling really confused how to handle the situation. What can we do to address this situation?”, If the other person suggests something you find unreasonable, don’t start calling names. You can be a shining example of how to respond to someone who is angry which will positively influence your friends, family and colleagues. Don’t “hook in” and start arguing with them… as someone in that “condition” is incapable of having a calm, rational discussion. How does that sound?". Do not resort to violent language or behavior of your own. I realize that my being late made us miss the event", Alternatively you could say "I am sorry. What is it that you’re feeling angry about?” This shows that you are trying to see things from the other person’s perspective, which may help him or her feel better. If you know someone who hates you, it's probably because you two had some type of blowout or disagreement that hurt the other person deeply. Most people won’t become threatening or physically aggressive when they get angry but you should trust your instincts. Read Next. Even if it seems trivial to you, the other person clearly feels strongly about it. Looking for more? If they are abusive and aren’t willing to work on it, then you have to leave them. Good news is, if you see yourself as a difficult person, you are already on your way to becoming an “easier“ one. Walk away. If someone is angry at you, you can get angry back at them but that will only create more suffering. Before you say anything in response to the angry person, take a couple of deep breaths, since being the target of someone’s anger can be stressful and may provoke an uncontrolled response. Or, maybe, you think of yourself. You may find it difficult to respond to someone who is angry because you feel that you cannot agree with their viewpoint. If someone is distraught, angry, or concerned, validating them is your best chance at getting them to be receptive to feedback. When you hear the word “criticism”, you probably think of someone you know.It can be someone from work, your neighbor, or a roommate, for example. You’re just the recipient of their free-floating hostility. And this usually fall on who are in close proximity at the moment. This can help you to reframe the situation in your own mind. If at any point you feel that the discussion is heading in that direction; tell the person that you are going to give them the opportunity to calm down and, once they do so, you will be happy to resume the discussion. So don’t even try. They’ll make you prove yourself to them. Give your friend some time to come around of their own accord. 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